‘In Recovery’ is the Best You Can Hope For: a Reader’s Response

By Chris Sims

After reading this blog post, I had to get in touch with Anorexia Myths as I related to a lot of the articulately written article. Whether patient or staff, there is danger in the mindset of aiming for a ‘good enough’ state of health. This is something I have experienced and would like to share.

There are so many perspectives and differing opinions on what recovery means — for all types of eating disorders. Like others, my view changes constantly. At the moment, I define recovery as having a sense of freedom, both mentally and physically, without the eating disorder having a grip on the steering wheel.

During my darkest of struggles, recovery does not feel attainable, nor do I feel like I want it. A lot of things factor into the mindset of feeling like recovery is not possible, but it stems from a sense of hopelessness against the eating disorder. When in that dark place, which I have experienced many times, those low feelings are around more days than not.

On the other side, when progressing and managing better, I feel more hopeful and motivated to reach full recovery, and I feel like there is a realistic chance for me to escape the eating disorder.

Of course, I wish it were simple for all people with an eating disorder to have this motivation, and belief, in full recovery all of the time.

In the original article there are several points I agree with. Recovered then means returned to a normal state of health, mind or strength. In anorexia, it would be a normalisation of all three… Nobody is born with anorexia nervosa… There was a time of relative normality around food before the illness began… We should be aiming for this.

The last part hit me quite hard. Anorexia was not something that I was born with, nor did I see it coming before I was diagnosed at the age of 15. It is not something that I wished for, and nobody would consider anorexia something that they would be happy to have as a lifelong condition.

Sometimes it feels like the eating disorder is a never-ending illness that you are trapped in, but this part of the piece argues against that, and rightfully so. We did not choose to have an eating disorder, but we can commit to getting back to the time when we were not having these struggles. I believe everyone can fully return to a state where they do not struggle with disordered thinking around food, body and weight.

Of course, life events can cause relapse and further moments of wanting to return to the eating disorder and what it tells us to do, but simply put it is not something we have to keep hold of for the rest of our lives.

From experience of eating disorder treatment, in inpatient, day patient and outpatient settings, there have been many staff who have provided hope and given me a belief that I can be free from the eating disorder and live the life I want to live, achieving the goals that I have set for myself. I am forever grateful for the healthcare professionals who have given this feeling of positivity around getting my life back.

On the other side, though, there have been a few professionals who have resorted to the easy way of thinking: that we should be aiming for a ‘good enough’ place. I have heard many times from professionals that the aim is just to get to a point where you can sustain yourself on the outside, not fully weight restore and just get to a point that is ‘safe enough.’

This results in my eating disorder not being challenged.

I do not know the reasons behind a shift in the mindset of how we treat people with eating disorders, but I experienced a lot more hope and empowerment to fully recover during my first admissions to hospital.

As time has gone on, in recent admissions and after years of being diagnosed with anorexia, there has been a change. I am now labelled as a SEED (severe and enduring eating disorder) patient and therefore considered by some unable to fully recover. I am expected to be comfortable with a semi-recovered state that keeps me in the grip of the illness while not being supported by services.

I believe that recovered is the only outcome we should be aiming for — this is something that everyone should believe. If you work in eating disorders as a clinician, I urge you to reflect on your thinking around the treatment of patients. Resorting to just getting a patient to a stable enough place is doing them a disservice and letting so many people down, including me.

The more I have remained at an underweight BMI, the more this has led to further mental and behavioural struggles. I know that when nearing a BMI that is closer to a healthy range, my patterns of thinking and mental state have benefitted drastically. Professionals in the field need to be aiming for that and not settling for a weight which keeps someone trapped in the grip of their eating disorder.

I will be open and say that I am currently vulnerable and in a bad place both physically and mentally. Of course, I am not asking for sympathy but simply asking for professionals to really understand that this is not good for me, in the short or long term.

If professionals challenged my eating disorder more and pushed me further to weight restore, they would be faced with a lot of emotional distress and backlash from my eating disorder. But isn’t that the point? Showing a settled and contented face is in a way keeping the eating disorder relaxed. I would advocate for professionals to really challenge me and other patients more, whether that be by increasing nutrition or limiting activity.

Many a time I have felt like the healthy Chris has been desperately screaming for help on the inside. For someone with an eating disorder, it is so hard to articulate and verbalise how much they really want help, as the strength of the eating disorder can prevent them from communicating this desperate shout for support. This links with not getting the right treatment and support, and I feel like we are doing a disservice to those who need support by not understanding this.

I have suffered for many years, and there have been several periods when I was secretly crying for help indirectly to professionals when treatment was quite passive and they were not aiming for full recovery. I think a firmer approach towards recovery is sometimes needed for someone to change. I know it would have helped me in recent times.

Would this be responded to with some aggression from someone who is suffering from an eating disorder? Of course it would. But deep down I can confidently say that I know that the person implementing a firm approach that aims higher is doing it out of care and support, and ultimately it would be the eating disorder getting angry as it was losing control.

Professionals are scared to push someone too far. But I do not think there is such a thing as being pushed too far. If we want to help people recover, then we must push for further physical rehabilitation and getting to a place which is healthy for that person. By not pushing someone, we are not helping but just adding to the fear that the eating disorder holds.

If you give someone with anorexia the opportunity not to confront their greatest fears, they will naturally take it. This is a big point that stuck out for me in the article, and I could not agree more. I have intense fears that need challenging. Does avoiding them help overcome them? Of course not. Facing them head on is the only way to become recovered.

I am not writing this response as someone who is recovered. I am far from that at present and have never actually got near to that point. But I feel with an approach that aims for full restoration and pushing an individual more, I would be far more likely to get to the point where I can say I have freedom from the eating disorder.

The original article has given me some food for thought (pardon the pun) and is a topic that professionals and people with the illness should be considering when it comes to treatment.

Ultimately, do I want to be living the rest of my life with anorexia? No.

Aiming to get to a point that is ‘good enough’ is not going to get me to a life free from anorexia. I must aim higher and confront the fears that I have, and I urge anyone else reading this to do the same. You all deserve freedom and to live a life without an eating disorder, so fight that belief in ‘good enough’ and get to a point at which you are truly living and being your authentic self.

Being ‘in recovery’ is the best someone can attain — heck no!